Is Your Marriage in a Rut?

Elena and I have been happily married for almost 15 years, but relationships never come without a challenge.

If you’re married, how would you rate your level of satisfaction with the relationship on the scale of 1-10?

A 10 would be everything is perfect,  you communicate at the right times in the right way, your love life is frequent and exciting,  your short and long term goals and dreams are perfectly aligned, and your relationship continues to grow in new ways every week.

If you are anything short of a 7, it’s possible you’re in a rut. Don’t be deceived, even great marriages can get in temporary ruts.

The definition of a rut is, “a habit or pattern of behavior that has become dull and unproductive but is hard to change.”

A rut will cause the two of you to stop growing—and start growing apart.

When something begins to fade, it’s because something is stale.

10x life

Here are 4 Steps to Break Out of Your Routine:

#1 Make a commitment to breaking out of the rut.

The first thing you need to do is to get committed about reversing the damage. Creativity follows commitment. Until you become committed you are wasting your time and setting yourself up for failure.

#2 Talk to new people, network with others together.

I know people who have the same exact set of friends since they were 13 years old. Dude, get a new set of friends! If you have the same social circle as you did five or ten years ago, then you aren’t growing. Get out and meet people. If it’s scary—tough. What’s scarier is staying in a rut, shrinking, and letting your marriage turn to garbage.

#3 Change your environment.

Change can guarantee one thing—something new. Whether good or bad, at least it’s different. Remember if things stay the same, the staleness will only grow worse.

#4 Switch roles with your spouse.

Whatever you can do to bring about change will immediately stop the growing staleness and bring something fresh in. Switch things up, go opposite, and the more uncomfortable it feels the better.

When talking about the idea of marriage a lot of people say stuff like, “I’m gonna settle down and ___________”.


Why does marriage have to be about “settling down”?

You’re not cement.

You shouldn’t be settling down for anything!

To keep your relationship fresh you must get your eyes on the future and start fantasizing and dreaming big together.

Remember, if things are stale in your relationship, you probably…

  • are living in the past to some degree
  • haven’t met anyone new in a while
  • aren’t focused together on any big goals

You need to create within your relationship so that it keeps doing something. Everybody has the innate ability to create.

2 Simple Ways to Create Within Your Relationship:

  1. Quit waiting for things to happen.
  2. Commit to creating.

Remember, don’t wait for your lover to become romantic, you become the romantic and see what comes out of it.

Take initiative and get creative within the relationship and things will stay fresh!

Here’s a challenge for you:

If you’re in any kind of rut in your marriage, bring yourself and your spouse to the next 10X Growth Conference 3.

This is the world’s largest business conference and it will have something for everyone. It’s about 10Xing your income and your life.

Get on the same page together and have an amazing 3-day experience. Take it from me, 10X is a principle that will not just improve your finances, it will improve your marriage.

Reserve your seats HERE.

Be Great,


P.S. If this blog post was helpful to you, subscribe to my free newsletter HERE!

Showing 2 comments
  • Usman

    I think something is totally wrong with our society that is why most marriages are ruts. We consider economic conditions as the major course.

  • Mark Ellis

    Marriage is not easy.

    In just two more weeks, my wife and I will be celebrating our 37th years of marriage. It has not always been an easy trip.

    Usually, the man and the woman are in a passionate and emotional/sexual state when they make the decision to get married.

    Let’s face it, I did it and you and you did it that way.

    However, that doesn’t mean it was done right. It would have been much better if you both had dated long-term until you both didn’t like each other so much. That way, you would know each other well and the emotions would not have been running so high. (By the way, never buy a car you’re in love with; it will wind up owning you.)

    At the end of the day, the average person isn’t all unicorns and rainbows, but an ego with emotional and mental problems. And there are very few people on the earth that aren’t.

    Marriage isn’t about stroking each other body parts and egos. When that happens you basically have 2 gods fighting over who will be the bigger one. Marriage is about helping each other in life to the point that you’re willing to lie down your lives for each other.

    Gentlemen, if you don’t some skills or a job that you can take care of your wife and kids with then perhaps you should wait until you do. You can’t put that kind of pressure on your wife. It takes time to learn a trade or develop skills that are vital to your family.

    Ladies, if you’re dating a man that isn’t opening doors for you, bringing you flowers, and has self control over his body parts, well then you might want to cool off for awhile. A real man wouldn’t touch a woman that he respected until he put a ring on her finger and said, “I do.” at the wedding.

    As you’ve heard over and over again from smart people, “Don’t follow the crowd.” Well, look around you at the living hell most families are in. Do you really want to go down the same path as most people you see?

    Hindsight is always better than foresight. You don’t want to be looking back regretting the idea that you married the wrong person.

    Just sayin’.

    Have a good one.

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