Would you consider your marriage a dream marriage?
It’s something that we all want, right?
Look, we all want to have the best relationship possible but the fact of the matter is that nobody is perfect.
Bottom line is that if you are going to make the commitment to spend the rest of your life with someone, you should go all in and be sure that you have a marriage that is built to last.
Unfortunately, too many couples operate on two completely separate pages. It is possible to keep it going, but you’ll both constantly be faced with frustration and upsets.
In order to build a marriage that works, you must get on the same page as your spouse. For me, that means that my wife and I are crystal clear on our own goals, dreams, and purpose.
Your Dreams First
My Dreams, then the marriage, then the kids.
That’s my philosophy.
I always get heat when I talk about this, but if you take the time to think about it AND be completely honest with yourself…. How can you be a good father if you aren’t fully in tune and connected with your spouse?
…and how can I be a committed husband if I am not connected to my goals and dreams and living a fulfilled life that is in line with my purpose?
You see, if your priorities are screwed up, your household and your life will be screwed up.
If you don’t put your dreams first, you are doing your family and yourself a disservice, and everyone will suffer.
Make no mistake about it, I am committed to making time for my family. I’m committed to my dreams at 100%, my marriage at 100%, and my kids at 100%.
I’m not telling you to go half-way with your spouse or your kids. Do that and you will end up divorced and your kids will end up resenting you.
But don’t let your dreams ever take a back seat to anything.
I told my wife Elena when we got married that I’d do anything for her, but I would never give up on my dreams.
The truth is, you shouldn’t be with someone who would want you to give up on your dreams.
Your Dreams Are a Part of You
Give up on them and you give up on yourself. If you give up on your dreams I guarantee you that you will give up on anything else—including your marriage.
Somewhere along the line you may have got advice from people who have told you to settle for something less. To go for something more stable and realistic, right?
Even if you find yourself settling, have you really stopped dreaming? You still dream, it’s a part of human nature!
So why not use your dreams to achieve something big?
I still have dreams of things that I want to be done. This is why I work so hard to make those dreams come true.
I don’t think about just getting by, or just trying to be steady and “secure.” I aim for something bigger. I aim for my dreams.
You Must Start Thinking Bigger
Your dreams are worth it—and you are worth it.
When I was first starting my business, I cut out pictures of where I wanted to live and looked at those pictures every day. The reason I did this was that it reminded me every single minute what I was working for.
Visualization is powerful. It makes your goals real.
You no longer say you want to have a nice house, but rather you get to say, “I want that house, with this many rooms, on this street.” Start putting pictures of what you want in your life.
And keep your spouse on the same page with these dreams!
Creating a Great Marriage
Here are 3 things you must do in order to have not just a good, but a great marriage:
#1 Mutual goals—Every great marriage has one thing in common, and that’s the fact that you have goals, and you share those goals, and then you make goals together based on your dreams and aspirations.
Have you have sat down with your spouse—recently—and talked about goals? Not just a to-do list but where you want to be in 3, 5, and 10 years from now? You need mutual goals in a long-term relationship.
#2 Those goals need to be big, with big rewards—don’t get tiny here. Guys, we all know that bigger is better, and that tiny won’t get it done in the bedroom, the boardroom, or the goal room.
So go ahead and dream big, dream huge. Do you want $500-million dollars? Good. Let it be known.
The worst thing you can do is pretend that you don’t want to have it all. The truth is, big goals will keep you going because the payoff is worth the pursuit. People quit when goals are too small.
#3 Reinforce those goals daily—It’s never enough to go over things just once. Never do just one of anything. I’ve said before that anything worth doing is worth doing more than once.
I meet with my wife every week to go over our big goals, and then each day we reinforce those goals by the things we do and say to each other.
Don’t just talk about your goals and then not bring them up again for 6 months or wait until New Year’s to readdress them. Remind each other continually of your mutual goals.
What kind of payoffs are you shooting for? Are you both shooting for it together? Great marriages don’t just happen, they are created.
Big mutual payoffs… aim for that and work for it every day.
Why Marriages Fail
My first marriage lasted only 12 months & my second is 14 years strong — this is my advice to you.
If you’re married, you know what I’m about to talk about. There’s some sort of disagreement, some sort of philosophical difference that you one day realize stands between you and your spouse.
It could be anything, but for today’s discussion, we’ll take the example of you looking to live a “10X life” and your spouse is basically content and “satisfied” with the way things are. Uh-oh!
Many of you don’t know this, but I was 35 the first time I married, and I was divorced by 36. One year, that’s how long I was able to make it.
I’m not bragging about it, I know divorce isn’t good, but I’m not ashamed of it either. It happened. We both quit the marriage long before it officially ended.
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She was happy with $1,000,000. I did the math—and I wasn’t happy to settle. Staying in that marriage would have been suicide for me on a multitude of levels—especially financially.
I’m just not a two-kid-two-dog–day-job-white-picket-fence kind of guy.
Now I’ve been married 13 years to Elena, who is 100% on the same page with me, but I still understand how it feels when you aren’t on the same page with your spouse.
I know where you are coming from. If I knew then what I know now… this is what I would have done differently:
Putting your head in the sand is never going to make things better. Time does not heal, and time will not magically fix the problem.
Get your sword out and confront the beast, the elephant in the room. You never know, you may be able to talk him or her into your point of view just by opening the discussion up again.
Maybe your spouse has a fear of your idea. Ask them, “what’s the worst that could happen if we do this?”
Challenge them to move forward with you on it even though they are uncertain. It’s your job also to help remove uncertainty, although there will always likely be some fear of the unknown. Make your thing exciting to your spouse, make it a challenge they want to attack so it’s not just your game, but something you can play together.
Get your spouse around like-minded people who are influencing you. If you are all about 10X, get your spouse to come to 10XGrowthCon where you’ll meet 10X people.
If you get your spouse in proximity to new people, this can influence them in new ways that you couldn’t do yourself. Travel, join new clubs, do whatever you need to do to form new relationships with people that you two can together grow in.
A Great Marriage Takes Work
For Elena and I, success is our game. We’re building an empire together.
Fortifying the rightness in your relationship and not focusing on the 5% of the time when things can come up short is better than striving for that perfect 100%.
Strong ethics and ambition brought Elena and me together and is a part of what continues to drive us.
Make your marriage great today!
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